I sincerely hope you're wrong. It would be asinine for me to say that "everything will be alright," cause I have no idea if that's true. But no amount of meds has been able to keep your real abilities and passions from coming through. It's evident in how you talk about your book, and the fact that even though you can't always feel it, you treasure the emotions stirred up by music, poetry, art and beauty. So, concerning the 80% of what you used to be...you're not bound by what once was. That's not your limit.

I'm really trying not to get all cheesy here. I'm sorry you're feeling bad, and I'm praying that you feel more like yourself quickly.