Well if there's one good thing that came out of our relationship (aside from our kids ofc), it's that i've since been able to stretch the boundaries of what i believed to be impossible, to well within the realm of possibilities. I wouldn't think i could deal with this kind of situation for as long as i have, but apparently i can, so that's good ;-)

No she didn't, I took care of me when i was sick... hence the hermetic lifestyle. It seems you don't get out without help if you're bedridden.

I'm not one to ask for help unless i'm near death. Not because i'm so "tough", but just because i simply don't feel the need.

It's possible, but then what does it matter now? She's slowly come to realize the workload involved in raising kids, and it's pretty obvious she has no intention of increasing the workload, so i'd say i'm pretty safe in that respect... plus you know, our sex-life is just about down to "retired couple" level, so yeah... what are the odds? She also does a preggo test monthly... so no more "surprise we're six months pregnant!" type stuff for the future.

MY hand is just fine thank you :P

As for the other partner... Well that's a problem. Not that there haven't been opportunities, some very tempting ones at that, but it's just NOT a good idea. For one it would mean i'd have to tell her about it (i don't do the whole secret love affair thing, not my style), and can you imagine?! She'd go bonkers... Secondly well... actually same reason... she'd go bonkers, period.

Besides, i'm not that love-starved really. I'm fine! There are times when i see people who have great relationship, and it does make me feel envious, because I know i have a lot to offer in that department, and it's just being wasted right now.

Thanks!

NO! I would most certainly not. Although that would mean my kids would never be born right? You see i've thought about it, if only i had never met her... but then no kids either...

It's hard to think of one and not the other, because they really do go together don't they? Maybe i could have had these same kids with someone else, that would be great, but so would me designing myself to exact specification, being born in the place and to the parents of my choosing, spending my every waking moment doing exactly what i want, having everything unfold perfectly in my life...

Yeah all those things would be great, but it doesn't work that way!

Awww, my heart bleeds for her

No really i get your point, and I do... as much as she's tormented me, i still see her for what she is, and i do feel sorry for her... But there's nothing i can do for her. I have tried just about anything i can think of, because really, i have every interest in her happiness. If she could find some happiness for herself that would be better for everyone involved, BUT i can't snap my fingers and cause that to happen, she has to do that for herself ultimately, and i'm not sure she CAN. Maybe, and maybe not, we will just have to see, and i will keep trying to help her with that.

The thing is that i can't give her what she wants, a loving partner, who will love her deeply despite anything (i don't think this is humanly possible, at least not once you're past 16).

Why, it was just the other day in fact!... well that is to say, it might have been a while... and with a while i mean last year... on Halloween... a funeral basket for her mothers tombstone (she visits every year on old hallows eve).

Last time we had sex!

I'm not a tyrant, I don't berate her every time she annoys me. In fact the only time she gets a load off my liver is times when she's really gone overboard and needs to get snapped off of planet xanadoo and back to earth.

I do insist she clean up after herself (and the kids two!), because it's just not livable otherwise. Sometimes it works, sometimes i doesn't... often she complains about having too much work. When things get out of hand i take over.

None of this helps. You see on some level she is aware of what she is doing, and it's messing with her. If i don't say anything she will start nagging about the house being messy, if i ask her to clean up she will complain about having to do EVERYTHING, if i do it for her, she will start lashing out and griping about random things only to later start weeping and telling me it makes her feel so worthless that I have to do everything and she doesn't do anything.

The only thing that REASONABLY works is if i tell her "let's clean this up together!". Then she's somewhat enthusiastic and cooperates...

But then there's other issues... like i can't get anything DONE. Her pace is... snail-speed in reverse. Things need to get done ultimately and i have a hard time standing around waiting for her to finish something (cause you know if i go too fast and do like 90% of everything, then she get's the feeling worthless thing again)... once again, it's like defusing a bomb.

We have a cleaner, but... well when you essentially do not clean up ANYTHING, even a daily cleaner can't keep everything tidy.

When you are a messy person, your house is always messy, period. She doesn't need a cleaner, she needs someone to walk after her every waking moment picking up after her.

She also piles everything up. Cleaners don't tend to root through personal documents and stuff, but she leaves them everywhere.

But yeah, the yearly cleaning is coming up again and so pretty soon everything will be tidy again, you wouldn't believe how much JUNK she accumulates in the period of a year. And really, it's not possible for me to keep things organized all year long... i need to keep the bills from piling up, and that takes most of my time. I also need to raise my kids, and that takes the rest of my time... housekeeping is priority ZERO for me right now. Although i do try to put in SOME effort because i really REALLY don't like messes... and in our home, messes are like roaches, no matter how many you squash, there's a brand new generation waiting to replace them!

Eh, an hour of chores tires her out... the gym isn't realistic at all. She has the grace of a moose, dancing is not even inside the spectrum of reality i'm afraid.

It's not like i haven't talked to her about all this. If i tell her to get a hobby she's like "what should i do?"... I ask her what she likes, she doesn't know... you know it's... like pulling teeth.

I do this for the kids. She says she enjoys it, but she would never organize something like this herself. If i don't do it, it doesn't happen. It's unclear whether this has any effect on her at all. But the kids like it so yeah, that's enough for me, and she can "tag along"

That's... unthinkable...

Just as an update...

I'm thinking about selling my house and getting something a little more roomy. It would give us some more time apart, which i feel we (I) really need. I'm thinking about incorporating an office into the house, and letting her do some administrative chores for my business (god i must be on CRACK!!). I wouldn't give her anything "important" at first, just the regular every day crap i otherwise need to root through. It would give her something to do, that's not hard to tiring, and she seems to enjoy doing it. It would also give her an income and maybe she'll even learn to manage it!

She's been going through a "good" phase lately so, that's a plus... lately as in the last week

A job is about the only thing i can get her out of the house for so... It also gives me the opportunity to let her "succeed" (by giving her easy assignments), and maybe that will boost her spirits and confidence a bit... something she wont have if she takes a job elsewhere (where she'll get real assignments and real complaints).

Anyways, might be a horrible idea, or maybe not. She's excited about the prospect, and i asked her to take a course to get her up to speed.. and she's excited about that two!

At any length, we will see... I can pack my bags and leave whenever i want, but like i said... right now, i just don't see it. She's not ready, and i'm not ready to give her custody, or even risk it. Maybe steady employment will help her return to a normal lifestyle... Let's hope!