Hi everyone. Wasn't sure where to post this, but wanted to share with someone. Anyone, at this point.

I was triggered the other night and it's just got me feeling all those old feelings of shame and dirt and worthlessness...

My mother is DID. I called her the other night and well, there was another personality on the other end of the line. I usually just deal with it, because she's been like this for a long time. The violent one (no one has names yet) was the one who used to hit on me and chase me with knives and kick me. It was the one that laughed in my face and made me feel useless.

This one is the one who is a sexual exhibitionist. I HATE HER! She started telling me about her sex life and I'm like I really have to go and then proceeded to tell me what her husband was doing and I just hung up on her. I cannot stand this anymore. It's just driving me insane, wondering who I'm going to be talking to next.

I fear she is off her medication. She has not been to therapy OR saw her psychiatrist in two months. She is on a downward spiral and I have been dealing with this crap from her for freaking 27 years and I'm sick of it. When is the little girl going to call saying, "Kimberly please help me..please, please, please come get me..."

I just cant take it anymore. Makes me want to do things I dont need to do. I want to throw my hands in the air and be done with her.

I don't want to seem insensitive, because everytime she's in crisis, she always calls me and I always go to her. I have given her way more than I owe her after what she did to me. She has 4 other kids, why is this crap always dumped on me. And the other kids are like NOT MY PROBLEM...not mine either! But I've got it anyway.

I'm sorry guys, I'm just really angry that I let this get to me.

Thanks for listening and sorry if I offended anyone.

Take Care.

(((Hugs)))
Kimberly.