Underground, my father was a fragile narcissist, mother malignant, middle sister is a powerful overt narcissist.
I had no self esteem, no sense of 'self'. I married a NPD, I Iook back and realized I'd 'married my mother'
I have suffered with chronic depression, OCD, social anxiety and PTSD which left me crippled with reoccurring thoughts, scenarios playing out in my mind over and over again driving me mad.
So a few years ago I began to research why would a mother be so cold and found she ticked the NPD boxes. It explained so much.
She was cold, micro controlling and had a streak of sadism.

Understanding mother has helped in as much now I realize I am not the dreadful person she told me I was.
Narcissists are 'The People Of The Lie'