Saw my cpn and she wasn't mad at me like I thought she was. I have trouble reading people and often think they are angry or being hostile when they aren't. I also over analyse every social attempt I make for hours and days after and hate myself. My cpn is so understanding and explains things really well. I hate that I can't fully trust her because of how I've been treated by the system in the past. Been with her year and a half now and it's getting better but I still don't trust her.
Having a Halloween party tomorrow. I'm nervous about it hosting parties is stressful. Trying to make sure everyone has a good time. I'm going to try not to drink too much, I have a tendency to projectile lol.
Cpn is going to talk to my pdoc about starting an antidepressant. One that will hopefully help me sleep too. She said maybe mirtazipine. I need something I can't live like this being this miserable and not enjoying anything.
Cheerful thoughts like she said. Positive thinking. I WILL be okay. Yes.