Hi kitty. First, I'm sorry that you're going thru such a painful emotional tug-of-war.
Very hard and very disorienting!

OK, you've said that you & bf are "not abusive with each other". I'm truly sorry but I beg to differ: There is emotional abuse going on here. He is holding your past irresponsible &/or hurtful behaviour over your head, and is doing something my T calls "Push-Me-Pull-You". He breaks up w/you, but he never has to stick to it bc the instant he gets feeling regretful, needy,nostalgic, or even legit missing you, he can announce that he still loves you or w/e and it's right back to relationship, yeah? It sounds to me as tho he's really using emotional blackmail hardcore: You have no "right" according to him, to object to or even question any of his behaviours that you may find damaging, questionable, or hurtful. If you do, he's bringing up "But LOOK HOW BAD YOU WERE !!!" and suddenly all the power is on his side again. IMO that's incredibly abusive.

Whatever about my opinions: Ask yourself one question: How Long Do You Want To Keep Doing This ??! Bc, BTDT, and it took me years to realise I didn't have to let anyone (not just bf) have that much power & control over me.

BTW: His idea of keeping you on the shelf for later in however many years is pretty damn immature. Nice for him; jeesch! Best to you, Chyia, a lil mad at him tbh