This was an interesting read.

I sort of agree with some of the points sammo777 brought up, because from reading through your whole OP, it sounds like your wife is/was struggling with depression. I know, I know, we hall have isht in our lives, but MI is legit...when grief turns into clinical depression (or it was there prior to the grief and you have no coping skills), it's a recipe for disaster. I have depression, have had it for 20+ years and always will deal with it but it was so bad at one time that I didn't pick up the house. Heck, I didn't even leave the house--not to go to work, not to go to school, not to get food. Nothing. It isn't an "I don't want to," it's an "I physically can't." Heh, I took a nap in a grocery store parking lot once because getting basics like milk, bread, and TP wore me out.

Buying flowers for her mother's grave isn't buying flowers. Compliments given during sex don't count. I may be single, but I know this much is true.

Anyway.

All of the devil's advocate stuff aside, I really am sorry you're going through this. It sounds like a rough situation all around. I can't imagine being in a relationship where I felt trapped let alone where there are kids involved. I do think that kids catch on better than we all think--they know when something is up. I live in a conservative area where many of my friends would always say, "Divorce is hard on kids...gotta make it work for the kids!" And I say that's a load of horsepoo. I think I'd rather a child grow up in two stable(ish) homes than one dysfunctional one, you know? FWIW, I think it's important to take care of you and your mental/emotional state, or you're running on fumes when it comes to the kiddos.

PS Just an aside...it's so frustrating for me to read all of these posts re: women who treat their men like dung, and I'm over here all single, intelligent, fun, (mostly ) functional, reasonably attractive, professional, and financially stable. WT actual F, guys? I don't look at all like a porn star, but I'm sure you would attest--that only goes so far. Not desperate. Just sayin.'