I think Miguel's Mom is right that leaving to IP is probably best if you must leave. But I know your objections to IP.

Or can you make a list of things that you have to do before you can leave? I have done that with suicidal thoughts before and by the time I've gotten through half the list, which generally includes plenty of additions as I go, I don't feel so suicidal and can calm myself. I always put things like i have to get rid of papers that could embarrass me and clean out my email accounts and destroy my hard drive and make sure my cats are cared for and bills are paid and I've spent time with my nieces to let them know I love them and etc. It exhausts me if nothing else but I never have gotten near the bottom. One thing that always is on there is that I have to tell someone what I'm planning to do. But one of the good parts of this is that it is flexible and you can make it fit whatever you need it to.

My worry is that right now you know it is the bipolar making you feel this way but what if you aren't able to tell that? That's why taking a vacation in IP seems to make sense to me but again, I understand why you don't want to.