I know I likely should go IP, but, like I've mentioned, it is so difficult for me to do it. When I look at the last 3 years at all the times I've needed to go to the hospital, I realize I could have been there for months worth of time that I instead stayed at home. Instead, I went IP only once and it was for postpartum psychosis. I only stayed 5 days, got my lithium level up to a 1.2 and came home as a still suicidal zombie. I just feel like I come out the same as I go in and I hate it. That is the smallest of the reasons. I've told my pdoc that too. I am so tired of the med merry go round and honestly, based on my track record, it is only time, not meds, that stabilizes me. Right now, I am heavily drugged. I've realized that this mix of 5MG of Haldol + 1.5 MG of Klonapin mix in the evenings and this 2.5MG of Haldol + 1MG of Klonapin in the morning is to knock me the hell out. It does! Last night and this morning were my first doses. Last night I slept the entire night without waking and then I napped this afternoon. At this point, I've yet to take my evening meds. I am 2 hours late but about to get up and do it.