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Originally Posted by ChipperMonkey
On the one hand, some people consider work friends to be just that. They don't carry those relationships into other areas of their lives. (Yes, I am one of those people. I won't ever become personal friends with a co-worker, for a number of reasons.) I understand that you've become quite close to these people, but I think it may be a good idea to just consider them to be work friends and nothing more.
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I told myself for a while that it was just that. But the same people are friends with other coworkers outside of work--even with each other. And they tell me things like, "We HAVE to schedule a time when you can come up to my place and _____." Again, everyone does that. But you don't have to say it if you're not going to do it.
I actually asked a coworker of mine whom I've known for about a decade, between two different places of employment (we're not BFFs but we have history and like each other) if I was pissing people off somehow. I told her very basically how I was feeling (bare minimum). She basically told me I worry too much, people like me, and that I'm not doing anything wrong. Hmm.
I'm pretty careful about what I share at work. People aren't too hard on the depression thing or family issues so I may share some things here and there, but I don't get very deep. TBH though other people have way more drama going on than I do; I'm not interesting on that kinda level.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChipperMonkey
On the other hand, its a pure shyte move to tell someone you'll be there and not show up. Ok, yeah, I'm a hypocrite on this one as I tend to cancel on people all the time....but my reason is always the same, my anxiety is just too much to handle. (I have PTSD.) I don't want to seem like I'm getting up on my high horse, but in the absence of anxiety, I *never* cancel on people. When I say I'll be somewhere or do something, I do it! So really, what's everyone else's excuse? 'Cuz to be frank, most of the world doesn't deal with severe anxiety like I do! Yes, I know others have their reasons and such, but to flake out? Not cool. I honestly think its a societal thing....invitation acceptances aren't set in stone, people don't want to hurt your feelings by saying no to your face, its a lot easier to just not show up because then they don't have to deal with actually seeing you hurt/disappointed. Its the whole out of sight, out of mind sort of thing.
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Yeah I mean, I've bailed on people too because of the depression thing. I just did it to a friend for tomorrow night. I told her (not a work friend) very frankly that I am not doing well lately and I wouldn't be great company but I'd let her know if things changed. Yeah, I suck sometimes too. But I do it rarely and the people who I've bailed on aren't the people I'm complaining about...oddly enough. Though people do have good excuses, it just feels really crappy. I have a hard time believing that they are making excuses to keep from hurting my feelings, but that's what I'm afraid of. The reason I don't believe it is because a few of them (who had good reasons) came to me the other day, hugged me, congratulated me, and asked how it went. I was frank and said that no one was there and it felt kinda cruddy, but that I did have fun. They apologized profusely and said we all needed to go out to make up for it. I'm like...yeah, okay.
Idk. Like I said, though I have positive feedback from pretty much everyone it feels like I'm being held at arm's length and I don't know why. (And no, it's not because of the flirty coworker I mentioned in an earlier post. We work together infrequently enough that I highly doubt that's even on anybody's radar. It'd have to get to hanging out after work level to register a blip.)