I *used* to feel like that but not anymore. I played the game poorly for 30 years - too much booze, career implosions, anger, paranoia, alienation from all sorts of things.

But my (recent) diagnosis is a blessing to me because now I know that I'm not a natural jerk. There's something churning inside of me that needs to be addressed. So be it. My game is just beginning. I found some new hobbies and made it a point to focus on ME going forward by taking the time to enjoy my life as it is today. Sure, I am up and down (still) but I try to be forward-thinking without letting it consume me. I can't take back the sucky-ness of 1985 - 2015, those days are in the books....and thankfully so.