I posted this in a general forum of how you feel today but I think it's more appropriate to post it here:

Today I cried uncontrollably for about two hours. The depression wave started in yesterday when I realized that I truly have no friends anymore since getting sober. I mean really- not one person that I can call to go out with, make plans with, whatever. So I bottled it up and came to my grandmothers house bc she needed someone to cook for her and she wanted to see my daughter.

I probably should have avoided my grandmother at all costs when feeling emotional. Taking care of her over the years has- and this sounds bad- been a HUGE trigger for me. My grandma isn't like most grandmas. She hurts your feelings a lot. You're never going to be pretty enough, smart enough, your cooking will always be mediocre... I used go to her house prepared with an Arsenal of Benzos, Opiates & usually at least a fifth of whiskey. She is also a recovering alcoholic, but what I call a "dry drunk" google that term if you're not familiar with it.

So, I spent the night in order to get up and perm her hair. In the midst of trying to get ready to do her hair, she starts in on me...I need to put my phone down and help her - it wasn't that she needed help. It was the demanding, tyrannical way that she screamed at me through the house. In average situations, this would just be an eye rolling event. But bc I am a xanax free, emotional wreck of a person, I went in the bathroom and wept!

What is wrong with me!!!!??? Omg I can't be this anxiety fueled, emotional wreck of a person! Please someone tell me that it gets better!?!? I have been clean about 6ish weeks now.

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