i also lost all my friends. when i was in my addiction i actually didnt spend time with addicts, i used alone, for the most part... but i gave up a lot of people recently for other reasons... it sucks... i have heard that thing often about AA/NA but sometimes i am just so tired of having to talk about being an addict. i know that we can get over that, eventually... maybe i will finally call someone from a meeting list.

it actually sounds like you are not depressed. when i am in the state you seem to be in, people often suggest that i am depressed. but this seems ridiculous to me because depression would be a huge break! sometimes i really miss apathy....

however, i have come to the conclusion that being an emotional wreck is a hell of a lot better than when i was depressed and simply didnt care. it just means i have to be super careful about what environments i put myself in... family is always hard because there is always that sense of obligation.... good luck with that.

there were times when i was first getting clean when all i did was cry. sometimes it seemed like it would never stop... but it did stop. in hindsight, i think i needed the space to just feel **** for a change, i had been shut down for so long....