I have been no contact with all family for 14 years. I did it on the advice of my Psychologist. It was very difficult for some *years*. I had a lot of guilt for cutting them out - the guilt was because I was not following the beliefs and requirements of my own Fantasy Bond.

After a few years, I began to feel very free. I stopped having any guilt. I stopped hoping they would change. I stopped hoping they would admit wrong. I stopped hoping they would begin to care about me.

I left them behind. I am walking down a path, in my life. And my choices are the routes I have chosen - I cannot go back and retrace the route, and end up where I would have been. I am here, as you are where you are, because of my choices.

Before I cut my family out, I believed things were painful but okay - okay in that they might improve sometime.

Now, 14 years later, I realize that I was living a Fantasy. I am SO MUCH happier now, and have been for many years. This was one of the harder things I have ever had to do, but for me at least, it is one of the very best.

Where before I hoped family might change, might show some evidence of care or love, I would behave like someone who perhaps bought a lottery ticket and had this ridiculous anticipation that they "might" win. By not buying that lottery ticket, you can't win what you weren't going to win anyways. Now I could accept reality. I could accept things as they way they REALLY were. And so accepting the true facts on the ground, and not my fantasy bond, I was able to move forward in my own life.

By moving forward, I mean to say that I could then see clearly enough to then make the personal changes I needed to to better institute the actions in myself that I had always desired from my family.

I am immeasurably a better and happier person for it. I can't speak to you, or your life, or your history. I can only speak to mine. For me, it was not easy, and it took bravery. I also learned, that in 14 years, they made almost no effort to reach out - I thought perhaps they might. I never took a bite of the temptation to reach out to them however, and ruin it.

It's just really paid off, personally. Paid off in myself, in my kids, in my marraige. And it wasn't easy, we also moved away then, 1500 miles away. And raised kids on our own in a strange state, without any support network. But it has been SO VERY worth it to start over from scratch. Just can't emphasize it enough.