Im an Aspie. I found a wife. She is a good person. She is tempermental, and moody sometimes. It is very difficult to predict. She is also sensitive about how I phrase things. I've learned to explain things very simply, and nicely like I would to a little kid. Without condescending tones of course. It helps a great deal. Spelling things out and saying them very kindly. I am married 19 years soon.

She stayed with me in the beginning because I was able to show her that I am caring and sensitive underneath my flaws. I was able to show it by not overly exhibiting my flaws but keeping them in check. It is tiring. I role model other people socially and imitate it over and over until I get it. I still don't always get how to "link up" one modeled behavior to another, so I am disjointed in most conversations - but very few people think I have Aspergers. I recently began seeing a physical pain psychologist and he did not believe I had Aspergers (I see him only for an hour and I can go a solid 2-3 hours now without cracking - after that or if I am tired or sick I crack fast and it all falls to pieces), so I had to show my my dx. Anyways back to topic,

I also had 2 children. They are now 9 and 7. My son is a carbon copy. I interfered very early in his life. I felt if he was going to have the same burdens I did, I would help him straight away. I did not have friends in school. It was lonely. I had girlfriends fairly often because I am very good looking and that helped. I stay in shape because it helps my mind tremendously. But I could not keep girlfriends. "Too critical" is the usual critique! Ironic! Anyways I am not critical; I am discerning and observant and continuously point out improvement paths (and DEEPLY appreciate it when others do the same for me but practially nobody does) so that we can 'get better'.

If I didn't utilize that OODA behaviour loop I stumbled into years ago as a teenager I would still be stuck in a box sleeping my life away.

Anyways it is much easier with my son. I see myself holding myself as a child, in my own arms. I look at that innocent child and determine the best way to help myself. What would I do for me, if I were my own parents?

And so for my son I do that. He very clearly, to me at least, is an Aspie. It's straight through him. It shows up every day. But I have done so much damn good work for him that he goes through entire school days and neither his teacher nor his principal see it. After 2 months they are noticing things I alerted them to. They are doing great working within his framework.

Anyways man, you are fearing shadows. These shadows are cast by trees on paths you have not yet trod. You need not fear them. And so leave them behind, do not punish yourself. Those shadows are now behind you, and their evidence and remainder remain behind, pulping under the fallen leaves into mulch that feeds the flowers of spring. You just keep walking and breathing deeply.

Remember that as long as you mind your energy levels and pace yourself, you can be a real awesome parent. Because you are observant. Because you are critical but do not voice it - but re-translate the critical observation before you speak it into a helpful step up. Always retranslate your thoughts into acceptable format. If you were a programmer you wouldn't type gibberish and expect it to work. Don't speak your own language either - speak theirs. You may not understand it fully, anymore than you might Javascript etc, but you understand it well enough to converse. If not, observe and imitate until you do.

My kids are complimented everywhere I go. Literally. Favorites in the school, favorites with neighbors - practically spoiled by other people. I don't spoil them, those kids work hard!! But I am constantly attentive to their needs and do not judge them at all. I let them make their choices every time; but we talk about the evidence and potential results of each choice.

Just mind your energy levels. Recognize when you are getting tired and may slip. Don't do it. Not today. Not ANY day. Stay focused, use that power of focus, and stay on target. Stay on target and you don't need to worry. Ignore those shadows -they mean nothing. Pass by those trees and towers without seeing them. Stay focused on your target and you can make magic happen.