Well I certainly can understand your fear of medications. If you have someone who is knowledgeable, like a T, you could consider trying one and allowing the T to help regulate it and discuss how you feel on a day to day or week to week basis. That would assist in alleviating your fears of side effects that could become "out of hand" and also prevent any overdosing too. Others have mentioned Welbutrin, which is not even a regular ssri so you have at least 2 classes of meds you could try.

There are herbs that work great for anxiety: have you gone to your local health food store (assuming there is one.) they usually have pamphlets and even books to buy to self educate. I find valerian, and passion flower help me.

I do disagree with Larry about needing supplements for diet though. Trying to eat properly isn't enough though, he is right on that. We really have to become a label reader, and into some nutrition facts to make sure we do get the proper nutrients. I am against the pills because most of them don't even break down in the human body! Also, often they don't have other nutrients that are needed for them to work in the body. Food, on the other hand, has what you need altogether. I suggest a nutritionist, like at a local hospital, who will figure it all out for you. They are generally pretty "cheap" too lol something like $50 or less for 2 visits... and a wealth of info about what you need and worked around how you eat, when.

You fear not being able to handle medications... but really, you are mishandling self medication with over indulging in the wine. You just aren't as afraid of the consequences as with pills.... what do you think?