Hello all,

I have been ignoring my depression and pretending it doesn't exist for far too long to the point where I'm almost comfortable feeling depressed. I need to change this though, and quickly, I'm not getting any younger.

Anyway, I was curious if anyone had any suggestions as to the first steps I should take to start recovering. I don't want to take pills, I'm not judging anyone who does of course but if I can I'd like to deal with this without medicinal assistance if possible. If I can't then I'm open for meds, but I'd like to try without them first.

The last year of my life has been a rough ride. I lost a young cousin under very traumatic and unexpected circumstances, then a hospital bill put me into debt, and then my mother was diagnosed with lung cancer. I've been trying to cope but between all of these things and the naturally anxious/depressed person I am I feel like I'm just sinking lower and lower. I'm the oldest man in my immediate family now and as such I've had a lot of the burden of our family trauma fall onto my shoulders. Externally I've been able to handle it and keep the family in somewhat high spirits but internally I'm a mess and I just can't ignore it much longer before I crash and burn.

I've tried some mindfulness techniques and meditation but their relief is only temporary, once I try to move to something else the thoughts of worry, inadequacy, fear of the future and just general pessimism and anxiety return.

I dunno, I feel like this has become a big rambling mess of a post. Just looking for some advice and support. I'd like to try to help others as well, I find helping others makes me feel a bit more optimistic and in control of myself. I hope I can give and take in this community rather than just take. Thanks for reading.