Honestly I feel like in the end bipolar took things from me that were convenient or luxurious, but not things I really needed. Maybe that boils down to me coping with it all and coming to terms, though. Like for example it cost me a decent paying job, because I had a psychotic break and and had to drop out of college, never finished, and then could never afford to go back. So now I will probably only ever work low-wage jobs. However, I feel that I can be satisfied with a low-wage job. But again maybe it boils down to me feeling like I have to make the choice to either feel upset over what I lost, or try to be content with what I do have. And I think maybe for my own sanity and health, I have to try to be content. Not that I didn't spend my fair share of time wallowing in self-pity lol, but it was just a dead-end and exhausting.

I think I have a more forgiving attitude towards my disorder because in some ways I think it saved me. I went through so much trauma and became so numb and disassociated early in life. My depressive episodes allowed me to cry over things that I couldn't cry about when I needed to. My high episodes allowed some of my 'true self' to come through whereas normally anxiety and detachment would have kept me subdued. So in some ways I see it a bit like a trade. BP cost me things like money and jobs and superficial friendships, but it also helped me grow and process and in some cases I think survive.