Depression has a hook that drags us down into the abyss...and for some reason it tells us we are more comfortable there than in the real world.

What to do? Well, determine that you will not make any big decisions until you are not depressed... no one should make any major decision while feeling so poorly...unless it's for brain surgery that you need to feel better!

You need support. Supportive therapy... times like these are the very times you DO need a T to get you through... often a visual is while swirling around in the dark black tornado of depression the patient sticks out his arm/hand for help...and the T grabs it and doesn't let go.

REMEMBER depression tells us lies. You cannot trust what you think imo.... feelings are not fact. The good thing is that you can begin to turn your thinking around... though you will not believe what you tell yourself, that's okay because the brain is filing the good stuff away when you do tell yourself good things.

You haven't always been depressed... you will not be depressed forever.
You are worth hanging in there... this too shall pass.
Don't make a decision you cannot change later when you are feeling better.
Keep asking for help, keep asking for help... keep asking for help...and... did I say? Keep asking for help...

You are loved and cared about even though you don't believe that...

Most people who think they want to end their life don't really, as you shared...but YOU WANT YOUR LIFE AS IT NOW to end...you want change...you want to feel good. Each day is a new start (hey, each hour can be a new start)...keep trying... find one little thing to get done and do it... and then another... reward yourself...

You can make it.