Hello DS. Don't worry about rambling. Depression is a rambling sort of experience.

I'm glad that you've come to the Psych Central site. I've been posting here since last winter and have found it to be a good place to learn about helpful techniques and habits. It's also helpful to me just to know that so many other people are struggling with similar problems.

I am going to write a very long post about some things that I do to help my depression.

I deal with "plain vanilla" depression and anxiety and also have some chronic medical problems.

If you are managing to function, then I think that your desire to try non-pharmaceutical methods of dealing with your problems is very reasonable.

As far as the mindfulness exercises go, I have been learning some of those lately myself. I am finding that it takes a lot of practice to start to make the mindfulness response the automatic "go-to" rather than stress, anger, anxiety, etc.

There are a ton of YouTube videos with mindfulness exercises. I've found that if I choose one that I like and use it over and over, that eventually my mind starts to be "trained" and when I hear the music and the voice, I am beginning to automatically shift into that mode.

I have been doing the same thing with some "pre-sleep" music that I chose. I have been using the same set of songs for about three months now and even though I'm getting a little tired of them, I'm noticing that my body is starting to respond on some level to hearing them and associating them with sleep.

A mindfulness exercise that I like because I can do it while I'm doing other things, is the one called Leaf on a Stream or some version of that. I'm not sure why this exercise has "clicked" so well for me.

This exercise is about mindfulness of thoughts (as opposed to body or breathing). You basically put any thoughts you want to get rid of on a leaf in a stream that you're picturing and watch them float out of sight.

I have found that, with effort, I can do this while doing other things (not driving!) and the more often I do it, the more effective it becomes. The exercise says to put your "thought" on a leaf.

I'm not clear how to do that without visualizing exactly what's bothering me on the leaf. I put specific people on a leaf and watch them go floating out of sight.

That often doesn't mean that they aren't actually still in my life, but I find relief in watching them disappear down the stream. There's a part of me that wonders if I'm doing this exercise all wrong, because I often feel something like glee when I watch people or problems float out of sight, and it seems like calm acceptance would be more, um, mindful.

Okay, enough about that.

I am a big believer in the effects of good food, good sleep, and some type of regular physical activity on depression. Even if we already have good habits in these areas, depression makes it more difficult to keep doing them. It's especially disruptive to sleep. So I think it's good to evaluate these areas.

There's a book called Eat Move Sleep by Tom Rath that addresses these areas specifically. Tom Rath has serious medical issues, not psychiatric ones, and he claims that focusing on these areas keeps him alive.

Another online site for discussing depression especially is Beyond Blue. It was founded by Therese Borchard, who is a mental health writer and activist and is a Psych Central board member. I really like her article about 10 Foods I Eat Everyday to Beat Depression.

I don't eat all 10, and I have added Greek yogurt (either in a smoothie or with nuts and berries in it) and oranges to my list. Lots of the foods on the list don't have to be cooked, which is a big plus to me.

I don't know if you are having problems in the areas of organizing your thoughts and sticking to goals. When I started to get a bit better last winter (enough to even think about trying to improve in these areas) I learned that what I was experiencing was termed "executive function problems" and that people with adult ADD have these problems.

I've never been diagnosed with ADD and don't have any interest in being tested for it, but since depression is a known cause of problems with executive functions, I figured that I could use some of the tools from adult ADD/ADHD books to help me.

I mostly have been relying on a paper planner (old-style), a calendar app, and a bulletin board where I put things that I want to work on or remember. I live alone, so I'm free to post my innermost thoughts all over the wall in a spare room if I want to. I know that not everyone has that option.

Surprisingly, I found that one of the things that helped me most in the executive functioning area was eating breakfast and one with some protein. I apparently am a little bit prone to low blood sugar and when that happens, I become totally disorganized.

I read somewhere that a person who has executive function problems is usually "late, lost, and unprepared." When I read that description back in the spring, I felt like going "Waaahhh!!!" like Lucy on "I Love Lucy".

I'm doing lots better in those areas now. (That's another benefit of this site - it lets you keep track over time of what's been going on with you and if you're getting better.)

I don't know how you feel about non-prescription supplements that help brain function. I am a very big fan of SAM-e. I have taken it in the past, although not lately. I would take it now if I wasn't on SSI disability with extreme financial limitations.

This is the brand of SAM-e that I think is very good. If it's something that you can afford, I think it's very much worth trying. When I've taken it in the past, it had a very positive effect on my mood and energy. About 1200 mg/day is recommended, but if you can only afford to take 400 mg/day, I think that's worth trying.

Another supplement that I like is helpful with anxiety. It's L-theanine, and it can be very calming and helpful with anxiety and also helpful for relaxing at night if sleep is a problem.

I've recommended brands/formulas that are supposed to be best. It seems that both of these supplements are very popular now, so there are dozens of versions of them and some of those are completely worthless.

If dealing with depression seems like a total life make-over, it kind of is. All these things that I've written about are things that I've learned about over a period of years.

You have to start somewhere. I think that sleep is absolutely the most important factor to look at first. It's rare that someone with depression doesn't have a disturbance in their sleep.

I started taking an antidepressant about six months ago at bedtime that appeared to "fix" my sleep, but I recently ended up being sent for a sleep study and it turns out that I have sleep apnea.

I'm not very keen on getting the CPAP "space mask" to sleep in, but there's a part of me that's hoping that improving the quality of my sleep (and getting enough oxygen to my brain) will improve my mood and energy level.

If you're still reading at this point, I'm going to recommend seeing a therapist for either individual or group therapy. It sounds like you have a lot of life issues going on that are tough to deal with and that you could use some support for this.

If money is an issue here, group therapy often costs less. You may even be able to find free groups. If you don't want to do traditional therapy, going to a meditation or mindfulness group or yoga class can be really beneficial.

My therapy group is a little bit like a group of friends who have similar problems and talk about them and learn from each other. I am finding that it's the seeing the same people every week and the continuing nature of the group that brings about the healing effect. (That doesn't usually start from meeting 1 - it takes a while.)

As far as the stress in your life from your mother's illness, I have been in a similar situation in past years with a parent's illness. All of my family members had to do an evaluation of just how much stress we could take and how best to delegate roles that each person would play. We were all speaking and willing to cooperate, but it was still a hard time.

It was like we felt unspoken demands to play certain roles because we were the oldest child, spouse, etc. Sometimes it turned out that we really needed to talk to each other about those roles and what we were feeling.

It turned out that things were going on like one person feeling that others were blaming them for aspects of the illness and things like that.

The talking didn't make all the problems go away, but I think it's good not to just assume that "I have to do this/take care of the others because..." without discussing that.

Discussion isn't guaranteed to make things better, but sometimes it does. Hearing "thank you for what you're doing" or "I worry that you're taking on too much" or "I think I could do this to help" can make a big difference.

Again, welcome to the Psych Central forums. Like any other place on the internet, you have to take what you want and leave the rest here. I have mostly found this to be a more caring and helpful community than most online ones.