Thanks for the long and informative post, jo.

I only recently started the mindfulness exercises and while they do afford temporary relief when I start excessively worrying or beating myself up, they haven't been very effective yet. I will try to keep with them considering as you said it can take a few weeks to reap the full rewards from them. I will give the leaf exercise a try, I have a bit of a problem with visualizing things like that but maybe with practice I can get better. I always end up thinking about something else while trying to visualize those types of things and other takes me out of the moment.

I've recently been trying to exercise more, a walk to the store instead of a drive or some pushups and free weights at home when I feel motivated. I've tried to get onto a concrete schedule but sometimes I just feel like sitting around, I have to work on that. That's part of the reason I joined the website looking for help, to find some motivation because while I was exercising a bit and trying to eat better I felt like I was just going through the motions rather than actually committing to it.

My sleep schedule is atrocious, one day I'll sleep for two hours and the next for 10, then I'll skip sleep altogether. This past week has been especially hectic as my mother was in the hospital and I've had to commute quite a bit to and from the hospital to be with her. She's back home now and I've been staying with her while she recovers from her surgery, though that also wreaks havoc on my sleep schedule because she needs oxygen at certain hours of the night and I have to get it to her, making a full nights sleep something I can't expect for the next few weeks.

I think seeing my mother in this position has really triggered me into sinking further down too, though I've been keeping it below the surface for her sake. She was always a very strong, determined, and self reliant person so to see her in this state of weakness and helplessness really shook me to my core. The rest of my family has been very supportive but nobody has been with her and seen her suffering as much as I have. I am eternally in debt to her for raising me and being an amazing mother and role model so I don't feel any resentment for helping her through this, but it has taken its toll on me.

I'll look into the supplements you've recommended, this is all very new to me and I'm the type of person who wants to know everything about what I'm about to put into my body. I'm glad they helped you and if they look ok and safe for me I'll definitely try them.

I don't know how well I'd respond to group therapy. I am the type of person who lives inside his own head. While I'm finding it relatively easy to share on this forum, I don't know how well I would do in a group full of people. I'd probably be worried about being judged or showing my vulnerabilities. I will consider it though and look into what type of groups we have locally. I'd probably prefer a men's only group but I don't know how common those are.

I feel like I've spoken more about my issues in these few posts I've put up here in the last 24 hours than I have in a decade. It feels good to open the release valve and let this stuff out. Thanks for listening and responding.