I'm so sorry greymouse, caring can sometimes mean you don't have time to look after yourself too. I have great respect for anyone caring for someone with dementia, I have seen it too at work and it is a demanding job which some people can't even face doing. Kudos to you.
I too wanted to post to say I have heard you and I want to send any sense of care or warmth your way. I know no answers but you deserve a hug (a safe one) ...take your pick(s)