Thanks to all who post here, Im glad there is such a forum for these issues. Heres my story.

I met a guy, age 50 on a bulletin board last year, I met him in person to continue our friendship, and he was ok for a bit until I realized he would start exploding in public. He was jealous of everyone that showed interest in me, and I began confronting him about it. He took this confrontation to be meaningless and attacking him, when I was confronting him about why he was doing it.

As time went by, I realized that he had an addiction to porn and marijuana. I only came to this conclusion because when he would "whip out the weed" he would try inhaling it about every 5-10 min to the point it became obvious. When I asked why he was doing it, he had a justification "Its cheap weed you have to take this much to get an effect". When it came time to have sex, he would couldnt do it. It came to the point when I had to confront him online as to why we couldnt have sex. He justified that he was "very sexual" but that he saw so much porn by the time I came over "I am spent".. this went on and on.. followed by crazy angry outbursts, namecalling etc. I was in tears more times than I cared to remember. I kept forgiving him because I realized something was wrong. I recommended therapy. I figured out he was bipolar by the signs. He admitted one day that one doctor said he was bipolar, while another said he was not. Whatever that meant. Finally I left him last year after dating him for 9 months and only maybe having sex 3 times in all that time. It was an off and on "relationship" because he was kind of far from me and I was getting fed up again and again. At one point we didnt see each other for 2 months in that 9 months span.

Nine more months went by, I had moved on with my life, I wasn't dating anyone but I occasionally went out with friends, just trying to "live life". I saw a thread on a board where he was at where he wanted a "truce" with me. I answered him, it was the first time he had ever written anything like that.

Even though "truce" is a funny word, considering I was not the one that wanted to fight, or was blowing up.

In May I met him again and thought we could be friends as we had some history. He said he had become reflective about himself and had changed. I went to his place, and he had just purchased marijuana, after telling me he hadnt had any for months but had "bought it for me". I was surprised, as I didnt require it for socializing. He was very nervous around me. He said I made him nervous.

Come to find out, he smoked pot the same way, he was STILL using porn, and even when I reacted to this knowledge, he claimed to stop, and then later I found out he was still watching it. After he realized how much it bothered me and how it had come between us, he finally stopped.. and although I have no proof of this, I think he finally stopped the porn. But the insomnia.. the bad sleeping patterns, the problems, the anger, the exploding, the namecalling, followed by SHORT days of lucidity it seems, apologizing, etc has returned.

Im really upset about this, and believed in him when he said he had changed. I want to know how to talk to him, so that I don't upset him. But it seems whatever I say, he turned into some kind of conspiracy against him. He is constantly calling me, and if I don't answer soon enough, he thinks Im "out with someone else". He projects and thinks everythings my fault, he's namecalling again, being disrespectful, there is no sex, even tho the pot and the porn is now gone.

He's been calling me lately and asking me why I get so "mad about things". I am speechless. I don't know what to say. Part of me is suprised, another part not surprised, another part wants to now punch his face for having dragged me into this based on my faith in people.

He is now actually BLAMING ME and pretending it is I that has the problem!!

What in the living hell do I do? How bad OFF is he.. THAT I REALLY WANT TO BE ABLE TO GAUGE because I feel guilty just leaving him, knowing that if I do, he will slowly unravel on his own.

I am a very healing and helpful sort of person, and my conscience bothers me too much to just leave him. I at least want to be the GOOD FRIEND that I know I can be for people. I am always there for people, I believe in great friendship, although I don't always feel I receive it in my life, I do know what it means and what it takes to be a good lifelong friend. I just feel sorry for him, I know something is wrong with him,.. when I have suggested therapy, when Ive demanded therapy, he tells me I need therapy, or he tells me he doesnt believe in doctors, or that he tried Lithium before with something else and it made him sick. A bad experience. I feel caught, unappreciated and used as I listen to, understand, care for, heal, help and simultaneously tolerate this person.