Hello broken one: I'm sorry to read of your struggles. This is such a difficult situation. I see you are in Minnesota. This may make your situation doubly difficult because your aides & PCA's may be mandated reporters. If they are, then they could potentially be in trouble if they do not report what they observe, I would suppose. (I'm not an expert with regard to this.) I don't know that I have any useful advice for you. If you see a therapist, or psychiatrist, perhaps the best thing would be to talk candidly with her or him about your situation in an effort to head off a situation where one of your assistants might dial 911 or something similar. My best wishes to you...