Feeling really depressed the last week and a half or so. Have not been able to do my shifts at the shelter, haven't even been able to walk the dogs. In bed most of the day, put the tinfoil back on the bedroom windows so it is DARK. Came really close to calling a sui crisis line last night, but am too scared the next thing will be a knock on the door from a nice man with a badge ready to give me a ride to involuntary IP. My t has been talking about ECT and there is not a chance in hell that's going to happen so I did not call. Stayed in bed today till 3pm, answered a couple of posts here, no food, thinking about going back to the cave. I see the pdoc on the 4th, just trying to hold out till then, she wants to up my lamictal and my remeron. Im so tired of drugs, hell, im just so tired period. Wish I could just go to sleep till the 4th. It has been raining here and my wife has a really bad back from an operation gone bad so she cant really help much now, I feel guilty cause she can use MY help, imagine that. I'm going to try to stay up for a bit, I have to make her something to eat. I wish it was the 4th. Sorry to be so negative.