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Old Nov 01, 2015, 07:23 PM
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wildflowerchild25 wildflowerchild25 is offline
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Member Since: Mar 2013
Location: NJ
Posts: 6,434
The more I look around, the more I realize this is as much situational as it is chemical, and probably even more so. I was ok today, not great but ok, but when it got dark at five I plunged into depression. And now that it is after Halloween, Christmas will be everywhere around me. So honestly I will be surprised if I feel better for any length of time before the first of the year.

My mom talked about getting away for Christmas, just going somewhere like Massachusetts where my great aunt lives or something, just so we don't have to be here and feel the ache of that emptiness even more. I wish we could. Unfortunately my mother in law will be coming up from Tennessee, and I can't be out of state when she comes to see her grandson. But we have to do something different. I can't stand thinking about doing the same old routine that we would were my husband alive. It has to be different.

In other news my father In law now believes that I have "sided against" him and that I hate him and am lying to him about my depression just so I don't have to talk to him. And you know what, now I'm not going to. I don't have time for this petty attention grabbing ********. I'm an adult. I act like one. He acts like a child in a grown man's body. It's no wonder my husband didn't even talk to him much when he was alive.

Btw it's impossible to explain the backstory in that, just know that he is a difficult man to deal with and not good for my son to be around right now.

But even so I was feeling incrementally better - if I can stay mildly depressed I won't mind it as much. I can still be mostly functional if it is only mild. And like I said, Effexor may help even though it's situational. And thankfully I have a good therapist who I am able to see once a week. That's the most I've ever seen a therapist. I'm glad I switched from my clinic.
__________________
Of course it is happening inside your head. But why on earth should that mean that it is not real?
-Albus Dumbledore

That’s life. If nothing else, that is life. It’s real. Sometimes it
f—-ing hurts. But it’s sort of all we have.
-Garden State
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