First let me say this is the lowest point I've been in my life. I've been trying to pull myself out of this pit of ugliness that seems to be smothering me. Tho this weekend I was journaling and realized that Christmas is coming. I've always loved Christmas, always felt the magic and I'm guessing secretly hoping it would make things better. I started to feel a little better tho then I realized that it never does make things better, they keep getting worse as time goes on. The "family" unit here is just falling apart in my eyes, I don't feel like we are a family in any respect. I don't want to be forced to spend time with them this year, I don't want to have to cook for them. Thanksgiving or Christmas, I just want nothing to do with them. (I live with them, because I am my mothers very burnt out caregiver)

I'm afraid of what's going to happen this year, and how they are going to make me feel like I'm acting childish and selfish. Though I'm afraid of what spending time with them is going to do to my mental health, which is really unstable right now. The urges to to do permanent self harm are so strong most days, and now I feel like I opened up a can of worms by starting to dread the holiday season already.

I don't know if anyone else has felt this way or not, or if anyone really cares or not, maybe I just needed to vent some...

Why isn't there a burnt out caregiver forum here? I could really use one, I can't be the only one.