Thanks. Mouse. My T will probably suggest I stay in the here and now too. But that means accepting her warmth, her caring, her casualness, her love for me. Loving her back IS a goal for me. I've never been good at showing or telling others my feelings for them. Therapy has changed that. I don't know why I suddenly feel so afraid! T never rejects me, and answers questions about herself when I ask. She answers all my emails with one short one each week, and reassured me she won't change that now that I'm satisfied with that arrangement. She writes "love T" on her emails all of the time. We hug every session.

Interestingly, I haven't asked to hold her hand for a few weeks now. I haven't needed to. I know she's there for me without holding hands.

Everything is good, except for my feelings about her artwork! We talk about art a lot because I show her what I'm working on, or email her a photo. She's my biggest fan!

Maybe it's because I AM her job, even though I know I'm more than that. Would she be so caring and nice if she weren't my T? It's hard to know because she IS a genuinely nice person. I know from when I used to read comments on her FB. I'm thinking about this way too much. Maybe I just miss the intensity of therapy. She's not leading it lately. I just talk, and talk, and talk.