T said, I know the things that happened to you as a child had a huge impact on you, and I'm not dismissing that, but I think this free floating fear comes from a very early time.
She said, I know you often don't believe how bad your mother was, but you exhibit classic emotional deprivation symptoms.
I said but what is there for a baby to be scared of?????
T said, well, like falling or being dropped. The free floating fear is based on those early fears and if you're not held enought, as you weren't, than that never gets processed, and you're afraid of the fear, afraid of you allow yourself to go into it, that you won't come out.
I asked what can help? Of course T replied with her usual response - we put words to those early experiences - I must admit, having talked a lot about it today, this evening I do have a 'shared' feeling, a feeling of someone being there. Maybe that's what she means, what was always missing.