I have been told by my therapist that I have never allowed myself to grieve since my mother's death in 7/07. Simply because I have never cried over her death. My mother, my aunt, and my grandmother were all my heroes and mentors. I have never shed a tear after their deaths. Does that make me heartless? I just feel we will meet again one day. My mother was my protector and best friend all my life. I prefer to have fond memories instead of tears.

When I begin to feel overwhelmed, I usually call my son. He can reassure me and calm me. When I have gotten confused (due to Fibromyalgia and the foggy brain issues) and forgot where I was going and how to get there. He calmly explained it all to me and then put a GPS in my car with my normal stops already programmed. This does prevent panicking.

I often fake happiness for the benefit of my children and grandchildren. I don't want to worry them or cause them grief. My son can tell, I hide in the kitchen and cook.