Hello PoetryLover -- This is a very hard space to be in. It sounds like you are doing everything that can be done, such as getting husband into therapy and trying to get into a facility where interactions can be observed. I believe that you will have to be part of that scenario, because you may unconsciously be doing things that contribute to the situation. For example, perhaps your husband responds to your efforts to remain calm as being patronizing, so he takes his feelings of inferiority out on the child. I'm not saying this happens; I'm just suggesting that the interactions involve all three of you, not just the two of them.

Best wishes, and hugs and hugs and hugs.