Hi I'd like to share my story,
I met my wife when we were young and married at 25 she 24. I loved her very much but started to have feelings that she depended on me a lot. We had very little deep conversations and would get through our nights watching trash tv, she wasn't very intelligent and we didn't share interests in what was going on in the world, she had no real dreams or goals apart from children and to be a stay at home mum, I wanted to strive and grow however she was stagnant and wasn't ambitious in any way but I did love her she had good morals and was kind, loyal and my family loved her. My wife was adamant she wanted a child and we had a baby daughter together. I was ready to have a child as I wasn't getting any younger i wanted to be a father and believed this would make her grow up as a person and want to be successful for our child. I love my daughter very much but instead of bringing us together the struggles of being parents made us drift even further apart. We had different views on how to parent and sex became non existent. I tried to make time for just us but this was never the case as my wife didn't want to give up any nights without our daughter and we drifted for 4 years. I began to drink a lot alone each evening and our communication became mumbles to each other. I felt trapped and unhappy and I started looking for a way out. We attempted councilling on a number of occasions but I believe I had well and truly checked out.
Now this is where I am not proud of my actions but I met a girl on a business trip and we began to speak over the Internet regularly. We connected on every level which I had never had before with my wife and feelings grew very strong, interests dreams goals we would talk for hours, she had a child of similar age to my daughter and as a few months past I believed, after much deliberation, it was time to find the courage to leave my wife but wanted to maintain a strong relationship with my daughter. The Devastion on leaving went far and wide and ripples were felt through family and friends, my wife was devastated and couldn't accept what was going on. I stayed with friends for a short time before moving in with the girl I had met and her child 90 miles away. When my wife found out about my new relationship she was on her knees and I feel bad for how I went about things. I was At last happy but I did feel terrible for putting everyone through it. I continued to have regular contact with my daughter every other weekend, she has since met my new girlfriend and they get on great. Now a year down the line I have been to see a solicitor for divorce proceedings however something is stopping me from going ahead, I love my girlfriend with all my heart we are perfect for each other but I'm again unhappy, I have started to become jealous over her and have caught myself checking her computer with no real reason as to why. I am helping raise her child which instead of being a nourishing feeling actually hurts that it's not my daughter. I feel huge guilt and the days we have both kids together just doesn't feel right, it doesn't feel like a unit and it shows. I now have financial problems and I'v been diagnosed with something I never thought I would have, depression. My wife still wishes to rekindle our relationship and go back to being a family, she has started to look for other jobs, is doing everything to change and something I thought I would never consider is starting to run through my head. I'm now massively torn. I know people will say the grass was not greener and I made my bed, I have read countless blogs and threads looking for the answer I just don't know what to do anymore and feel totally lost. Iv attended independent Councilling which does not seem to be helping in anyway. My girlfriend knows I'm low as Iv started to be distant but she can't understand why I'm unable to push on with the divorce. I just don't know where to turn anymore and it's totally encompassing my life, I have lost family, friends a home I worked hard for as well as not being there for my daughter full time which is effecting her massively both at home and school. I just don't feel that love for my wife, I find myself driving past my old house some evenings and I sometimes long for my family again but when I think of losing my girlfriend my heart sinks. I know I probably will be berated by all and expect it but I hope in telling my story I will find an answer to crawl out the depression I have found myself in as I don't know where else to turn, Iv lost weight and it's effecting everything I do. Has anyone went through similar I would appreciate hearing from others who have gone through what I am dealing with, Thankyou in advance