I hate the holiday season. It brings home just how far I have fallen from my former life and only reinforces the life I can barely manage.

My family know my situation so no one expects presents. I can just manage two small gift certifiates for my adult children. I rely on the gift of money from my dad so I can buy myself some holiday food items and baking supplies.

I feel the worst about being alone this time of year. It is all the worst because I was happily in a relationship the previous year. I have already fallen into the trap of watching sappy holiday movies - you know the ones where the girl always gets her guy - and they really don't make me feel any better. With social anxiety shopping is bad enough but all the decorations and music everywhere only make it impossible to shop except for groceries. Basically I will hide for the next two months.