A warm thanks to all the hugs and inspirational messages on my post re; just one big mess! I do appreciate it.
I know there are people with more serious problems and I feel guilty that I feel the way I do! Its been hard these 7 days trying to change myself and harder without the meds, last night I woke up sweating and cold! To make things worst, I had a call from the oncologists this morning to confirm my tests/check up the 12th of November, I totally forgot about it I think because I wanted to and I'm scared of what the results are going to be, because the last 4 months the symptoms are back!

I'm sitting here feeling sorry for myself and feeling so alone I can't tell my husband I don't want to go for the tests because I'm scared, he is just going to say I must stop being so negative and remember I'm in the process of changing the problem 'me' and if I tell how I feel I go back on my promise that I will change.

Its now 15:35pm by us and I have just a few hours left to dry up my tears, get myself together and put on my 'normal' face!

I wish I could turn back time knowing what I know now.....

Best wishes and hugs to you all