There's lot's of holes because I'm unclear of the whole truth, myself.
I find it intimidating to bring anything up with my dad. I don't want to have the conversation in front my "step-mom". As you can probably tell, I don't like her and she is part of the reason my mom discouraged me in going over there.

I guess it would help if I broke it down:

My mom's background (briefly): Was placed in foster care much of her childhood. She is still damaged from those days, but is coping well. She's been divorced multiple times. I'm her only child. We moved around a lot. I've come to realize over the past year that she is a bit of a narcissist. Very vain and materialistic, manipulative, stubborn, has epic rages if she gets heated enough and doesn't seem to be getting her way (but she's not violent. Just very expressive.) She has to win debates and arguments and will think of anything to make sure she does win. She's very insecure. When I was a teenager, she was more focused on having a life of her own rather than be a mom. She treats people like her personal assistants. She treats men like servants. Though she is doting on her boyfriends. She doesn't like to be alone. Very insecure and uses the I'm-a-single-woman-living-on-own-so-I'm-at-risk way of thinking. She has bad-mouthed my dad and when I used to get upset and wish I was living with my dad my mom would retort "What? You want to live with your step-mom? Do you think you would be happy there?" I just wished I didn't have a step-mom.

My dad:
I don't know a whole lot about him. All I know is that he's stayed in the same marriage since I was a toddler. He's strict and thinks my mom is not. He does compare how my brothers were raised to how I was raised. He says he thinks about me all the time. Will say he tries to get a hold of me numerous times. I have call display, voicemail and email. I don't see any signs of him trying as much as he says. He doesn't slander my mom as much as my mom will slander my dad. He's now been better by asking me about how everyone is on that side of my family, but I have to wonder what his intentions are. He has told me that he never talked with me about things in the past because I was too young. I didn't think of it that way, because my mom always spilled so much on me that I thought it was normal. A few months ago, he said he would come by and take me out for coffee in October. Well, October came and left and I haven't heard from him. The constant rejection isn't something I think is healthy in my life and I question to think if my mom was right.

My dad's wife ("step-mom"):
Abusive. Used humiliation tactics for discipline. Guilt trips. I hate her. I really do. I've witness her smack a plastic mixing spoon on my youngest brothers hand, leaving a mark. My daughter didn't mind this monster step-mom, until she guilt tripped my daughter for not eating all her breakfast despite that she declined the amount of food my monster step-mom kept shovelling onto her plate. For some reason, I find this woman more intimidating than my mom. But that just says a lot about how much more abusive and unhinged my "step-mom" can be. My mom rages and can be scary, but no matter how much I screw up my mom would never have done the things my dad's wife has done to me. Plus, it takes more to upset my mom. My dad's wife is strict with grades and has degraded me for not getting A+. Apparently, from what my mom has said, my dad would use his badge to go to my school and get a copy of my report card. I don't think this is completely true. But I know that my dad was more aware of my marks than I thought. But he was never involved in my tutoring or offering to pay for extra programs to help me. My mom did all that. My dad's wife would gloat about how good her sons were in school and show-off how much taller they are, more helpful and busier they are with jobs, school and sports. She would look at me and comment on how short I am (I'm 5'5. Not that short. But she's a bit more taller and my brothers are giants. Past 6') She's always comparing me to others. I remember eating watermelon over there, and my brother's friend was over. I'm not the tidiest of eaters, and, come on, it's watermelon. But my dad's wife has to say "Look at how sloppy _ is of an eater. See, __ is soooo much more cleaner." Ugh. The darkest, most weirdest thing, though, is when I was pregnant she said that she had abortion pills she could give me. I had no intentions, whatsoever, in terminating my pregnancy. Yes, I was young, but I had a good support system and I was determined, full-heartedly, at keeping my kid. She knew this. But she was really trying to push it. What freaked me out more, I think, was that she had abortion pills laying around at home. I wonder how many fated siblings I have. Then I had a realization. I have 3 brothers my dad has had with his wife. He's been with her for so long. I am his only daughter. Yet, it seems he has no interest in being a big part in my life, or it seems.
My brothers are older and have kids of their own. I think out of the nine, there is only one girl. Actually, 2. My brother's earlier girlfriend got pregnant with his kid and, well, they had a girl and this baby is not to be mentioned. My brother and the family refuse to have anything to do with her and his daughter. I don't know exactly what happened. Maybe it's not his. I don't know. It's just uncanny how many girls are being rejected by my "step-mom" and dad. My dad doesn't even seem to have a desire to see my daughter. Whenever he does visit it's always during school time.

Me:
I'm confused. I'm intimidated. I feel like I was put into adult situations when I was a kid. I feel like my mom manipulated me and alienated my dad. I feel she is full of herself and is narcisstic. I feel like she just wanted me so she would be the winner of something in a ugly divorce.
My mom has told me to not call my dad and that my dad didn't want to talk to me again. I don't know how you can say that to your child.
When my dad's mom died, I was given an envelope of stuff and among it were long letters that went back and forth between my mom and my grandma. I don't know if this was given to me by accident or on purpose, but I don't think I should have seen it. They were letters from long ago. Lot's of hurtful things were said and it left more questions and more opportunities for my mom to manipulate the whole situation with my dad. Again, I feel like I'm being pitted in the middle. I feel like if I went to my dad with any of this information that I would be the one who gets the blame. It's to the point that I would just prefer to not speak with anyone. But then my dad's side of the family would think I was purposely avoiding everyone all that time.