Having a bad morning. I just returned from a trip and really had nobody to share the experience with. So I tried to share it with to few acquaintances I have (the barista at the coffe shop, my neighbor, the store clerk, etc.) but was mostly ignored. Yeah I got a few head nods and it sounds like you had a good time but it wasn't really sharing the experience. This left me with the familiar paralysis as I sat in my chair looking at the wall between me and everything else. I've always been envious of others because it doesn't seem like they're always desperately trying to get somebody's attention. And I've always felt like a mental case when I walk by strangers making random comments just to feel like I haven't died. The response is usually strange glances that makes the glass grow thicker between me and them. What's it like to sit comfortably with someone and drink coffee or tell somebody you had a miserable day and have them actually care. I don't know and I'm exhausted at trying to pretend that I'm okay- the plastic bag around my head grows tighter and I can barley breathe. I tell myself there is always music and food but over the years even these friends have lost their medicinal abilities. I don't know why I'm here or why I was chosen to be on such a cold dark road - all I know is that this is way too hard.