My second husband killed himself the beginning of December several years ago. Between Thanksgiving and Christmas I'm super anxious and often suicidal. I keep trying to do better each passing year but it's still hard. Add seasonal darkness and I can get triggered pretty easily.

Because of my anxiety disorder I usually shop online. I only have to buy for three people and typically they're happy with a gift card. Almost all of my family is gone and I have issues with the rest of them, so it's just my current husband, daughter, and her boyfriend. It's going to be tight financially this year because my daughter is starting college next year, but we'll manage.