there's only a few people on earth i've been able to have a real conversation with. i'm quiet and take a while to form sentences so even in "trivial" conversations i'm looked down upon. all i have in my life right now that's not internet-based is work, and there's a 20 year minimum age gap between me and everyone else. i'm a child to them. a stupid, distracted child at that, and my coworkers make sure i know it. it's completely destroyed my ability to hold a conversation or even form relationships at all. i don't have a single friend irl.

i usually just stick to things i'm comfortable with and know a lot about in a conversation. so basically just video games. tv shows. if i talk about programming. metaphysics, artificial intelligence, art, anything i'm even remotely interested in but couldn't ace a trivia contest over on the spot, i'll freeze up and look like an even bigger moron.

maybe it's just because my parents never talked to each other except to throw things or cry. maybe it's a lifetime of emotional abuse and being made to feel inferior. maybe i'm just a damn introvert. whoknowsman. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯