Brooke34, of course he is not always violent, demeaning and belittling. He only shows this side when he knows he can control you. When he's scared that you may leave, no longer heed to his influence, free yourself he is sweet and supportive and controls his behavior. You know this pattern and you know it well. From your first post I gathered that the few times he is scared enough to lose you and treating you right no longer compensate for his outrageous behaviors when the full narcissist comes through. How much longer will you put up with it? Stick your head in the sand and wait for real change? I know this may sound unkind.....I hope with the next episode of full NPD behavior you will keep up your motivation long enough to get yourself into therapy. It is NOT your job to watch out for his buttons, pay for his problems and bail him out - he is an adult and should be able to take responsibility. Every time you compensate you are reinforcing his behaviors and neither you nor him have a chance to really improve! You have a fighting spirit and the people here are on your side... You can survive without him! Best of luck!