Your memories sound a lot like mine. I haven't "recovered" anything more than that my father was in my bed every night, but I know it traumatized me. I was terrified of him. He was sexually inappropriate towards me my entire life, until I stopped speaking to him. He was also physically abusive to me and my brother. My therapist tells me it's possible there was sexual contact that I cannot recall. I'm grateful for that now because I've learned to accept the reality of it, which is that he did something wrong, whether I remember all of it or not. I even learned to accept the fact that he KNEW it was wrong all the while. I don't need the memory to try to prove it happened. It's a cold hard fact and that is in itself comforting.

Seeing a therapist will heal you. It will do more good than harm. Revisiting these memories is going to be painful. It's a bumpy road, but I promise, just like other survivors promised me, that it will be worth it. It's consuming your relationships, keeping you from intimacy. Therapy will help you take back your power. You deserve to be comfortable, in your own skin and with your partners.