Hello Miktis25: This is what seeing a psychologist is for! If you don't talk about things such as this, your psychologist cannot truly help you.

I've been watching a TV series on our Public Broadcasting Service, here in the U.S.A., titled: "The Brain with David Eagleman" Eagleman is a researcher who studies the functioning of the brain. One of the points he's been making is that much more of who we are, & what we do, is controlled by the subconscious mind than we typically believe to be the case. This being the case, it is likely that there are emotions stored within areas of your brain, to which you do not have conscious access, which none-the-less are affecting how you handle relationships today. And, unless you figure out a way to deal with these hidden emotions, it may be that they will continue to be a hindrance well into your future. So my recommendation, for what its worth, is to talk with your psychologist about all of this stuff. My best wishes to you...