Hello Wanderer14: I'm sorry to read of your dilemma. There are no winners in a situation such as this, I know from experience. No matter what you do, I fear, there is going to be some part of you that will always regret the decision you made. My perspective, with regard to this (& it is a harsh one) is that you must simply make a decision, one way or the other, & stick with it. Otherwise you continue to gore everyone. And, every time you begin to question whether or not you are making, or have made, the right decision, say to yourself: "That decision has been made" And don't look back. From my perspective, the worst thing you can do is vacillate.

Then, also, continue with individual counseling. I know you wrote that it's not helping. But, again, based on my experience, this type of situation... long term... will tear you apart if you don't work through it. And therapy is the place where this needs to happen. If the particular professional you're currently seeing doesn't seem to be able to help you, then find another therapist. Not all therapists are skilled at dealing with all circumstances.

Each of the individuals in your life, your wife, your daughter, & your girlfriend have the right to get on with their lives... to build or re-build... as the case may be. It is up to you, in this situation, I believe, to bring the situation to a conclusion one way or the other... & to carry the burden of whatever decision you make. Obviously, if your wife is willing to take you back, & if you can go back, this may be the best option. But, whichever way you decide, put an end to the struggle.

I send warm thoughts your way with the hope that you will be able to come to a decision that will be as beneficial as possible for all concerned.