You have to work on yourself if you want to be happy. You were unhappy in the first marriage and you've begun becoming unhappy in this relationship - the easier answer for this is that relationships are not intended to make us happy. We need to be happy with ourselves in order to have happy relationships. If you look for things outside of yourself to make you happy, especially relationships, you will go from relationship to relationship, moving on each time the current relationship fails to meet your expectations.

Unfortunately when we are young, we don't always look for compatibility in a partner. We choose other things like how they make us feel. From what you describe, you and your wife were never compatible. You wanted her to have a desire to have ambitions beyond being a wife and mother but she wasn't interested in that. What you consider to be not a real dream or goal (wife and mother) is her dream and goal. There was no reason to think she would suddenly become ambitious after having a child. It is rather judgmental to say that she was "stagnat" and not interested in growing because what she wanted out of life seemed less important than what you prioritize.

Likely you are concerned your new girlfriend might cheat on you because you, yourself, were a cheater. You know that people can get away with it because you did, so it causes you to suspect her. If you want to stay with her, your best bet is to come clean about your snooping and make the decision to trust her. If she's given you no reason to suspect her, it's unfair to do so. It's possible you used the new relationship as an excuse to leave the old one. You stayed in a relationship you knew was not working and did not meet your needs until someone you perceived as better came along. No person is perfect. As reality set in, you probably realized the new girlfriend also has some things that don't meet your idea of the "ideal" woman. You jumped from one relationship right into another. The answer is definitely not going back to what didn't work. You need to figure out what needs to be done to make you happy, separate from any romantic relationship. Then, decide if you want to be with your girlfriend. If you do, be willing to work on the relationship and know that she will never be perfect. Also realize that it's not going to just immediately "feel right" when you are blending families. It's complicated stuff. There's a great book called Remarriage Rescue that talks about the mistakes couples make when blending families after divorce. I think you'd find it helpful.

DD