I don't think counseling is going to yield any answers for you, as you seem to be finding out. You know what your options are and there's pros and cons with each of them.

Romances that begin on-line seem to have a way of seeming great in the beginning and, then, not so much. This girlfriend knew you had a wife and little daughter, yet encouraged you to leave them for her. That doesn't sound like a tender-hearted gal to me. So now you don't quite trust her. I don't think that's going to change.

Your relationship with your own child is never going to be all that it could have been when you were a live-in dad. That's just the reality of broken homes. Even though your wife might take you back, it doesn't sound like you can ever be in love with her again. So I can see why you are kind of lost, as to which direction to go in.

It's hard to accept that, among the options we find in life, there doesn't seem to be one that really promises complete happiness. Modern men and women seem to believe that that should be the goal. Sometimes, it's not among what is available. (It wasn't for me.) You knew where you were at in your life, initially, was not completely happy, so you went with the alternative option. That option had the advantage of being somewhat unknown, so you could entertain the hope that it might be way better. But it's not. You are a caring man, so it's distressing to you that you've caused unhappiness to your wife and daughter, without really improving your own very much.

On-line opportunities can easily conform to our deepest yearnings because we don't know the full reality that is behind them. A lot of what we think is there is really just what our imaginations are projecting. This new girlfriend of yours isn't quite as special as you imagined her to be. There are reasons why she was pursuing romance on-line . . . and they probably aren't nice reasons. A number of men who met her before you did found themselves saying, "No thanks." after they spent some time with her.

Only you can figure out where to go from here. You can probably never have the past back just the way it was. By being honest with yourself about all you've been through and realizing that you've operated on some unrealistic assumptions about what life was really offering you, you can become a more mature man. That will entail some sadness, as I think the maturing process always does. You are having to give up some dreams that were illusions. There isn't any woman out there who is all you would like a woman to be who will consider you all she's looking for in a man. It may sound kind of crass and cold, but we each really do have a "market value" that we have to be realistic about, in terms of who we are likely to attract and hold. Maybe this new girlfriend of yours is still shopping the field to see if she can do better than you. I don't know. But I'm not going to tell you that your insecurities are foolish. If she were a woman who placed a high value on loyalty, then why would she have wanted you?

Whether or not you will ever resume living with your wife, maybe you can see her with more respect than you formerly had for her. You wouldn't be the first ex-husband to decide belatedly that his original wife wasn't so bad after all. I think Henry the 8th ended up saying pretty much that to Anne Boleyn about Queen Catherine. It's an old story.

Often a person becomes lovable because of our decision to love them. That's why, over the long haul, "love" is not a feeling, but a choice. Modern men and women have been sold a bill of goods with this notion that we're supposed to be completely fulfilled in our relationships . . . that we have a "right" to be happy. Nowhere in the annals of all that is true is that written. An awful lot of life is just making the best of what we can.

Be as good a friend to your ex-wife as you can, regardless of what it leads to. That will also endear you to your daughter.