Since grade 1, I've had little friends. I mean friends that are willing to hang out after school. I've always seemed to have this one best friend who lived across the street and went to a different school. This kept my spirits up and allowed me to cope through my childhood. Although, I learned that being alone can be liberating and fun.
In school, and sometimes out of school, I would be picked on, teased, insulted, rumors abound and completely isolated and alienated from the majority of my class. It wouldn't have been that bad if they would just leave me alone. But putting tape in my hair, pushing me over chairs, trying to trip me in the halls, etc. Come on. The severest bullying I endured was when I was in grade 1. I was horrible at math. I had trouble with the simplest equations. Word got around to the older grades and they made it a custom at every recess and before school they would corner me, form a circle and link their hands so I couldn't escape. This was truly Hell to me. They would spit out math equations and said they wouldn't let me go unless I got it right and proved to them I wasn't stupid. Of course I couldn't figure the answer out. I was crying, scared. They would start calling me all sorts of names and criticizing me. I started to get my mom to walk me to school and stay with me until the bell rang. I didn't care if it was geeky. I didn't stay at that school for too long. Perhaps 6 months to a year.
My family moved to another city. This school was similar in that there were much older kids picking on me. But this time it was on the school bus all because I sat in the one seat that was free but there was bird poop on the outside of the window. They never let it go. The teacher was frightening and threatened the class with abuse. She once told us, during carpet time, that if one kid spoke out of turn she would cut their hand off with the big paper cutter. I remember that very well. She would, also, place you in front of her in between 2 boys (it was the cootie age) in order to embarrass you, and she always put on leg on the other so her one foot dangles and she would make sure your head was close to her dangled foot. She told us if you talk or make one disturbance she was kick you in the head.
I didn't stay in that city for long, either.
The next school was okay at first. But then they realized I couldn't pronounce one of the students names properly. This led to a HATE ME campaign and just about the whole school was against me by the time I was in grade 4. I once tried to befriend a new girl. I jumped at the opportunity to greet her. She seemed nice. But then, just as immediately, the more popular girls went up to her and just slandered me. She never wanted to be my friend after that.
I had a couple friends. Some of the better ones were younger than me and went to my daycare. But these weren't super good friends. I complained to my mom about the bullying and I felt like she was ignoring me. I begged to be homeschooled or switch schools.
I went to another school for grade 6 and junior high. Okay, this may be all my fault. I was obsessed with Sailor Moon. I took a shiny clip on earring and clipped it on a headband to emulate Sailor Moon's tiara. I wore this to school on the first day. So...yeah. But I did manage to make friends with the girls at my table. They were into anime. At this point, I just wanted to be me and not care. I didn't care. There were kids in my class that were just downright mean. One girl took a long strip of scotch tape and put it in my hair. She thought it was funny. I don't see how it was.
In the area I was living in during these times was/is snobby. I was pushed into snowbanks by the older teenagers, picked on by them, threatened, intimidated. In my teens, I developed a tough-girl rep. It was purely for survival mode. I thought, if kindness is getting me pushed around, then I would rather them be scared. I did punch one kid. Looking back, I'm not really sure why I did it other than trying to be someone I'm not. I tried to act like all sorts of characters. I would try to be snobby like everyone else, nice, tough, athletic. This wouldn't last as it just wasn't me. I noticed I got respect when I was into my art projects.
In high school, there were people that still went out of their way to make me feel awful. But it wasn't as bad. And I noticed that this one girl that would keep making jabs at me was not winning points with the rest of the class because she came off as too obnoxious and arrogant. I thought that people were starting to grow up and I wouldn't have to worry about being picked on and made to feel like misfortunes are my fault. However, this bad treatment towards me continues by random people and I don't know why. Why me?