Hi Wants2fly,
It looks like you win the prize for recognizing my reference to an old book title. 'Been down so long it looks like up to me' by Richard Farina, I read it in '72, I think, and it contributed to my awakening from childhood naiveté. I like his music even better. 'The Best of Mimi and Richard Farina' was the first album I ever bought. The song "House Un-American Blues Activity Dream", "Presidential candidates in new levis jeans, blind mother justice making war on the poor..." seems on the money today.
I've been hesitant to respond to you because of the 12-step issues, and my own volatile, yet depression suppressed to a crawl thinking. I've never been a good letter writer, this new to me. I've been concerned that you were in a precarious state yourself, but you seem to be holding it together in spit of the challenges. Keep at it girl.
I think you are right regarding the guidelines and yet I feel quite stifled here. When depressed it's almost impossible for me to sift my words and thoughts to suit regulations that while they may be necessary for the comfort of some are not well suited to my needs to speak and think freely, directly, and on all pertinent and related subjects. I have enough trouble writing a coherent sentence without guidelines when I'm in the grips of the beast. If I'm able to deal with that here (a question that has me bouncing off walls still), I may be able to get started. I'm reminded of and old Philip Roth? Book, narrated as thought talking to his therapist, at the end of which his T asks 'ok, are you ready to start?' Lol.
No, I don't have a T now. I've blown though or been blown off by 12 I think so far, I've often felt unbearable frustration with them as though instead of helping me out of my pit they've been tossing down, pennywise rationed, crumbs; or just didn't know what to do. I think I'm historically in a mental health system bridge state that has progressed beyond; "One flew over the cuckoo's nest", through "Girl Interrupted" to my experience and the present. I've never been hospitalized and won't be, what with the systemic discrimination against smokers (a fighting subject for me), but death has often offered it's 'oh so tender mercies'. I don't know what the state of the art is as I can't afford it. For now what I can find online is it, as I'm estranged from my local mental health clinic by seemingly pervasive endemic cultural differences and my perception of gross systemic neglect and a resulting incompetence for dealing with complicated cases.
By the way, with your writing experience, do you have any tips on proofreading and deadlines? -Down

PS.- difficult experiment in assertiveness or am I just kneejerk reacting again, got me?): It's taken me 2 weeks to write this individual response. I felt rather surprise-attacked and hurt by your last post here, you'd seemed so concerned and supportive previously. The next time you feel like you're begging for a response from me and are getting tired of waiting, how can I best put this, I recommend you ask yourself why you feel that way before, whatever?