Hi WinterRose,
I found what you said interesting, and the quotes really clarifying, where are they from, I'd love to know?

You seem to have great self awareness about your behaviour and whats going on with you.
I'll share my experience and see if it helps.
I recently had some therapy and I think they would perhaps say I was ovewhelmed by the projection onto her, well, in fact them, as I tried several. And I was overwhelmed by the whole process and I believe it was making me iller and iller. In reality, I think it was some of her stuff, in a tangle with some of mine. So I had to stop, at least for now.
But I had a recent expereince where I managed a situation. Last weekend we had a family meeting to do with my mothers will. My brother in law came into the room and I was full of resentment because I thought it wastn his place to be there, not his business. (the other 'in law' who was there had decently stayed outside the room). Well, I witnessed his face start looking, to me, like a fat frog as he sat there, I had to just look away and know that I was having an extreme reaction, and that it came from, well, largely from past issues which I have now undersood.
After the meeting he expressed appreciation of what I had said in the meeting, which of course, I was grateful for, so I had to really take back my projections and was glad I hadnt acted out on it.
I guess, one could say that the first useful thing to do is -once you know it happening, - dont act out on it, and maybe later if something needs to be said you are in a better situation to say it with compassion or whatever.

I believe that what helped me also is I did have some deep understanding from another person as to where and how my deeper issues came to be inside me, so I knew why I was having these stron reactions,

That you have so much awareness, shows that you care and are taking responsiblity.
I still dont even know some of the time when I am splitting and when it is a justified reaction. I'm confused at present by my reaction to some of my friends, also who I feel I may be about to lose.

thanks for sharing, hope this helps.

riverx