the holidays are definitely weird for me...while I don't have family drama anymore, I did up until my early thirties when I cut my mom out of my life, and this time of year really brings up a lot of that because for most of my life this time of year was chaotic and anxiety-inducing. my first marriage also started to fall apart in the fall, I moved out in November, and got my divorce papers a few days after christmas...so a lot of those memories surface around this time as well. not to mention the time change and just the changes in scheduling from all of the holidays (changes in routine tend to trigger anxiety for me) and traveling, also lots of pretending to be happy (even if you are not) and having to be social (xmas parties, family gatherings, etc) are stressful. I have to really watch my self care this time of year and make sure I don't overcommit myself to avoid cycling.

so I actually don't mind the holidays (I actually rather enjoy christmas gift giving, the food, lights, traditions, etc.) it's all of the things that come with them that are stressors for me.