Quote:
Originally Posted by Werewoman
What would you do if your lady completely lost her libido?
I am 53 and have had every test, and the fact is, this has happened to me simply because of my age. I can still have and enjoy sex, I just don't have 'that feeling' anymore.
This has created a nightmare in my marriage. First my husband takes it personally. He thinks I no longer find him desirable - which couldn't be further from the truth. I find him just as desirable as I did the first time I laid eyes on him in 1990. I just don't have any 'incentive' to initiate sex because my body just doesn't work the way it used to. He insists that if I still find him desirable, I should initiate sex - like to the point where I feel so pressured, I just can't.
Part of the problem is sexual abuse I experienced as a child, but I am working hard with my therapist on that one.
I would love to be the kind of wife that greets her husband at the door when he comes home wearing something sexy, or better yet, nothing at all.  I know it is in me to be that woman, and I don't know what's holding me back - which is what my therapist and I are trying to find out. I know part of the problem is my past (I also have PTSD), but I'm starting to wonder if his expectations are contributing to the problem.
Any advice or help anyone can offer (male or female) would be appreciated.
Thanks,
 WW |
To be honest, it doesn't sound like you've actually lost your libido in so much as maybe there is anxiety or something else that is not putting sex at the top of your list. You said you enjoy it and can have it, but you just don't get that "feeling" (which I assume to mean "turned on") anymore.
That's different than actually not wanting sex. It sounds like you aren't turning your husband down, just not actually pursuing him and these are important distinctions.
Using myself as an example, not only does my wife not pursue me, but she rejects my advances as well. She flat out doesn't want sex. Now
that sucks.
So I would offer a few things. One is that your husband needs to pursue you more. That would help move intimacy up your list of concerns. As he pursues you more you may find yourself getting "that feeling" going since it's not about just doing it, but the foreplay, building tension and emotional interaction ... you're playing again like you did when you were dating. Second I think it's important you both discuss what really is rejection. Just because you don't pursue doesn't mean you're rejecting him (which it sounds like you aren't) it just means that other things are getting in the way (which you're working on). Finally, marriage counseling is always a good way to go. It doesn't mean your marriage is in trouble, but that your working on making it better.
Lastly, you ask what I would do if my lady completely lost her libido, which she has. Frankly there's nothing I can think to do. I've don it all from special dinners to hand-written love letters to handling the laundry and such, you name it. I'm emotionally exhausted, rejected and lonely and that's going to be my life for a very long time to come.