I went to my first NA meeting last night. It was a decent experience, but I keep having mixed feelings about whether NA is right for me and whether I "fit in".

I have virtually no support right now. There are a few people in other states that text me every now and then; other than that I'm completely alone. I'm trying NA because I just need to be around people period, especially people who understand what I'm going through. And it was refreshing to be around people who are honest about their struggles and weaknesses.

But I find myself isolating and segregating myself from them in my mind, because I feel like I'm almost not bad enough to be there. From what I heard in the meeting last night, most of them used harder drugs for longer and with much more severe consequences than me. I guess I feel like I'm weak and stupid for not being able to quit on my own, when I bet most of them would have been able to kick it if they were in my shoes. Also, I've always been a closet drug and alcohol user. I'm not the partying type, and most people don't even know that I drink, let alone that I'm an addict. So that makes my addiction different also. I guess I feel that I would be judged in NA if people knew the details about my drug problem, simply because it's not that bad in comparison.

Maybe that's just my social anxiety (and general insecurities) talking. Maybe it's a way for me to try to rationalize my addiction. God knows it took me long enough to even admit that I have a problem. I don't know, I can't think clearly about this. I could use some objective feedback.